Led by a desire to help Filipino men determine, address, and cope with the issues of life, the Asian Hospital and Medical Center’s (AHMC) Psychiatry Department held “PalibhasaLalaki: A Forum on Men’s Issues” recently.
Pastor Jonathan Baldo of the Lighthouse Leadership Institute of Manila opened the forum by talking about issues faced by Filipino men. His findings are based on his experience as a men’s counselor in Lighthouse as well as an on-air counselor on 702 DZAS for Juan Talk, a radio show that focuses on men’s issues.
Among the issues outlined include virility, the capability to provide, efficient time management, faithfulness, identity, and life’s passions. According to Ptr. Baldo, most of these are highlighted once a man reaches adulthood and starts a family. It may well continue onto middle age and even unto his senior years.
A lot of these issues can be addressed or mitigated by the parents who are the child’s “main programmers”, according to Dr. Melodee Rojas, Clinical Psychologist and Chief of Section of Psychology at AHMC.
A father’s influence also figures largely in the equation. Some of the things fathers can do to help their sons include being present in their children’s lives, spending quality time with them, being a good role model, providing moral guidance, practicing what he preaches, and treating women right. “When this is done, half of the battle is already won,” Dr. Rojas said.
Whether a father is absent or present (emotionally and physically) in the child’s life, it makes a significant difference in later developmental and behavioral issues of the child.
The influencers of each generation have a huge impact to how each person adapts or copes with life’s challenges. The Traditionalists (1925-1945) had to deal with the Great Depression and World War II which influenced their perception of trust and work ethic.
Baby Boomers (1946-1960) grew up in the time of the Vietnam War, Civil Rights and Women’s movements, and the Cold War. These events were huge factors in how they value equality, inclusion, and change.
For Generation X (1961-1982), a lot of them grew up with working mothers and witnessed huge events such as September 11, economic recessions, and the reign of the television. Meanwhile, Millenials are the product of helicopter parents, the technology boom, social media, environmentalism, and globalization.
“Fatherhood is the most important job any man can take on as it gives one the power to shape the next generation,” Dr. Jon Jurilla, Psychiatrist at AHMC, said. Contrary to what is usually observed, being a father doesn’t stop at just being a good provider. It also includes being a role model; providing emotional support, a sense of stability, and involvement in the children’s lives; and laboring for moral and values formation.
As a man goes on to middle adulthood, he enters a transition period where he reviews and takes stock of his life. “This is where the popular ‘mid-life crisis’ comes in,” said Dr. Benjamin Vista, Chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at AHMC. However, Dr. Vista clarified that not every man goes through this. Men experience ‘mid-life crisis’ when they go through severe emotional distress that is usually due to severe life events such as illness or a death of a spouse.
Other issues that middle-aged men will most likely go through include the empty nest syndrome, annulments and divorce, and marital infidelity. The last two, according to Dr. Vista, occur at a high rate among middle-aged men.
While most look forward to retirement as the time when they can enjoy the fruits of their life’s work, Dr. Albert Poblete, Neurologist and Psychiatrist at AHMC, for the most part disagrees with it. “Retirement is the tenth most stressful major life event,” he said.
Retirement comes with a whole new slew of issues such as economic uncertainty, increasing health concerns, social isolation and loneliness, and suddenly having too much free time. The most common of all is that giving up work creates a vacuum in their lives.