Hollywood’s greatest gift to ambitious career women is the idea that you can find true love and have the spacious corner office. I realized this Friday night, when two girlfriends came over after work with pajamas and a hard drive filled with feel-good romantic comedies. A year ago, you wouldn’t have caught me dead watching a rom com; I’ve often dismissed the genre as purveyors of unrealistic expectations and false hope. Lately, however, I seem to have morphed into the kind of woman who can only enjoy films that end with a kiss between two lovelorn protagonists. (I have also since become the kind of woman that does yoga, is pseudo-vegetarian, and works 60-hour weeks. It’s funny how much people change!)
“You are going to love this one,” Maia insisted as the opening credits of Something New started rolling. Soon enough, we began squealing and swooning the only way girls do when romance with a dreamy male lead is unfolding on the screen.
Something New tries to tackle racial issues that inevitably come up in intercultural relationships, but I was too busy getting distracted by Simon Baker’s sun-kissed good looks to pay attention to how it resolved racial politics. The real value of this movie was that it reminded me of the kind of guy that I want and deserve: Definitively masculine. Free-spirited yet financially stable. Gets his hands dirty to create something beautiful. Adorable dog. But more than this checklist of attributes, what really got to me and my girls was the way he persistently pursued the aloof lady lead, and how present and aware he was about her thoughts, needs, and feelings. And that shit stayed with me all night.
Brian: I want to be there for you, Kenya, I really do. And we can talk. We can talk about whatever you like. I may not always relate, but I can promise I’ll empathize. Can you trust that?
When you’re single in your late twenties, you become painfully aware of the fact that the dating pool is filled with emotionally unavailable fish. In general, most of the fish just want to go with the flow and fuck the lady fishermen. Once in a while you’ll catch a nice one that will stick around and play house with you for a little while. Then one day he swims off because it occurs to him that you’re a real person with needs and feelings, and he should probably do something about that having spent X amount of time with you, but I’m only a fish and how dare you expect so much out of me??
It’s not the grand gestures or cheesy declarations of love that makes the rom com male win the hearts of female audiences. Despite how ridiculously women in rom coms might behave, real life women don’t actually want that much. They want great conversation over a delicious meal. They want a hug, a kiss, their hand held in yours. They want a nap, a movie, a good morning text.
Rom com males are easy to fall in love with because they have courageous souls. Because they are willing to be vulnerable and fall in love without fear. Because they go out of their way to chase their object of their affection and show that she is worthy of being loved. Because they understand that the chase is worth it.
I look back at last year’s dating experiences and remember how I thought I was so modern and empowered for always making the first move. But I never gave anyone the chance to win me over. I gravitated towards emotionally unavailable guys because love seemed like a thing I had to earn by trying to prove to him, over and over again, that I am fucking awesome. Every time I watch a romantic comedy, I am reminded that love unfolds without proof.
I’m going end this with my favorite scene from Happy Thank You More Please because it is the perfect example of how everyone should be loved. To quote the movie’s final line: “Sadness begone! Let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy. Because we are worthy.”
