I don’t claim to be an authority in Child Psychology. The only background in Pyschology that I can boast of is my three units in General Psychology in college.
As I was raising my growing children years before, (my two sons now in their 20s and daughter in her teens), I realized that having background in Child Psychology is very important. Well, virtually speaking, mothering does not need college education or units in Psychology, but it helps, believe me… it helps a lot.
Raising two boys with only two years age gap was for me – hell, really! Sibling rivalry was very tough between them and they were so full of energy and stamina and would always challenge my patience as they ran about the house, without caring whether they knocked off a vase or muddied the polished floor. And oh!There were lots of fighting! Physical, verbal and psy wars! Their fights were easily ignited even by the simplest things such as a remark… like… “Beh, mas maganda ang laruan ko…” (Hey, I have a nicer toy.) And when the other boy retorted, “Ang yabang mo!” (You are boastful!) – then war was officially declared.
It was such a draining experience and stage in my life as a mother. No matter how you try to keep discipline among boys, it can’t be helped that boys will always be boys. Our house was a war zone, literally! But in such situations, screaming and yelling couldn’t help because by yelling and shouting, I was like joining in the war! And to be effective in dousing the flame, I had to be cool, composed and rational.
When I thought I could not handle my two boys effectively anymore, I bought a book entitled “How to raise a child with love”. I read it page by page, and found useful techniques on how to appease fighting kids, how to declare a time out when everyone is in heat, how to break a fight by physical alienation in which you let them stay in different parts of the house until you say so otherwise. I also found out that when kids whine, cry or complain endlessly and unnecessarily, it is their way to catch attention. So, it is best that – unless there is really a compelling reason – mothers don’t fret or pay too much attention when their kids are in such mood.
Moms have to be tough but at the same time loving to their kids. Misbehavior should never be tolerated, but of course, there is a better way of pointing it out on the children other than by yelling and shouting at them.
Now, with kids who always fight, – oh boy, they can really give a headache. Moms only have to deal with them without losing their cool. This stage will pass. My two boys used to fight a lot when they were in grade school. But it diminished gradually when they were in high school. Right now, they are good buddies. Sibling rivalry is – to my belief – a passing stage. It should be outgrown. Otherwise, if the rivalry continues on… there must really be something seriously wrong with the siblings’ relationship, and how their parents raised them.
My advice to starter-mothers out there – read articles, books on child psychology. To have know-how in this area does not really require classroom learning. There are a lot information about this, like in the internet. Most of all, however, learn not just the theories, but their application in whatever situation you are in. Application is not automatic though, as you need patience and perseverance to really test the effectiveness of the techniques. And try not to use varied techniques in similar situations because this can confuse the child and you won’t be able to come up with positive results – hence a waste of effort.
