Last night I learned that Migs Borja-Yambao, a friend and former coworker at GesierMaclang, succumbed to pneumonia and died. This made me think a lot about our brief friendship, and all the ways I could have been more present while he was still around.
I remember thinking, “I want to be your friend,” during his first day at work, and how thrilled I was when we eventually bonded at an Indonesian restaurant days later. I remember how my favorite mornings began at his desk, talking food, fashion, and nothing in particular. I remember flipping through his portfolio, flattered that he thought to share this with me, amazed at his ability to tell fascinating stories through food. Then as shit got real and deadlines loomed large, I remember nothing because I stopped coming to his desk for reasons unrelated to work.
It kills me that I never said a proper goodbye, that my last words to him were probably, “I need the content calendar NOW!” instead of, “I miss you, we need to have lunch more often.”
Migs, thank you for your warmth, wit, and sass, for all the times you made me laugh, for caring enough to toss truth bombs at my dating life. If there’s an afterlife, I hope it’s one filled with pretty things and glorious food.
The four-day Papal holiday in January gave Kassy? and I the chance to go surfing in La Union. But our itchy feet got the better of us, and we hopped back in the car and did the scenic drive across Ilocos Norte and back to Manila. We saw a lot of pretty places along the way, and even picked up friends? for a joyride around the Laoag sand dunes. And Kassy and I were like, “Who needs boys?” because we were pretty proud of ourselves for doing this crazy drive on our own.
This video captures the highlights of our incredible road trip, and the best 4 days of my 2015 so far. It’s odd to feel so nostalgic about a trip that happened barely two months ago. But as we both get more serious about our careers, I realize what a rare and wonderful thing it is to be able to spontaneously drive off into the sunset with one of your best friends. Who knows when we’ll have the time or energy to be this carefree again? Why does the thought of a vacation now fill me with anxiety rather than excitement? When did I become such a responsible adult? Ugh.
Hollywood’s greatest gift to ambitious career women is the idea that you can find true love and have the spacious corner office. I realized this Friday night, when two girlfriends came over after work with pajamas and a hard drive filled with feel-good romantic comedies. A year ago, you wouldn’t have caught me dead watching a rom com; I’ve often dismissed the genre as purveyors of unrealistic expectations and false hope. Lately, however, I seem to have morphed into the kind of woman who can only enjoy films that end with a kiss between two lovelorn protagonists. (I have also since become the kind of woman that does yoga, is pseudo-vegetarian, and works 60-hour weeks. It’s funny how much people change!)
“You are going to love this one,” Maia insisted as the opening credits of Something New started rolling. Soon enough, we began squealing and swooning the only way girls do when romance with a dreamy male lead is unfolding on the screen.
Something New tries to tackle racial issues that inevitably come up in intercultural relationships, but I was too busy getting distracted by Simon Baker’s sun-kissed good looks to pay attention to how it resolved racial politics. The real value of this movie was that it reminded me of the kind of guy that I want and deserve: Definitively masculine. Free-spirited yet financially stable. Gets his hands dirty to create something beautiful. Adorable dog. But more than this checklist of attributes, what really got to me and my girls was the way he persistently pursued the aloof lady lead, and how present and aware he was about her thoughts, needs, and feelings. And that shit stayed with me all night.
Brian: I want to be there for you, Kenya, I really do. And we can talk. We can talk about whatever you like. I may not always relate, but I can promise I’ll empathize. Can you trust that?
When you’re single in your late twenties, you become painfully aware of the fact that the dating pool is filled with emotionally unavailable fish. In general, most of the fish just want to go with the flow and fuck the lady fishermen. Once in a while you’ll catch a nice one that will stick around and play house with you for a little while. Then one day he swims off because it occurs to him that you’re a real person with needs and feelings, and he should probably do something about that having spent X amount of time with you, but I’m only a fish and how dare you expect so much out of me??
It’s not the grand gestures or cheesy declarations of love that makes the rom com male win the hearts of female audiences. Despite how ridiculously women in rom coms might behave, real life women don’t actually want that much. They want great conversation over a delicious meal. They want a hug, a kiss, their hand held in yours. They want a nap, a movie, a good morning text.
Rom com males are easy to fall in love with because they have courageous souls. Because they are willing to be vulnerable and fall in love without fear. Because they go out of their way to chase their object of their affection and show that she is worthy of being loved. Because they understand that the chase is worth it.
I look back at last year’s dating experiences and remember how I thought I was so modern and empowered for always making the first move. But I never gave anyone the chance to win me over. I gravitated towards emotionally unavailable guys because love seemed like a thing I had to earn by trying to prove to him, over and over again, that I am fucking awesome. Every time I watch a romantic comedy, I am reminded that love unfolds without proof.
I’m going end this with my favorite scene from Happy Thank You More Please because it is the perfect example of how everyone should be loved. To quote the movie’s final line: “Sadness begone! Let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy. Because we are worthy.”
Sam #2: It’s not easy to be adored – you in particular – you have a tougher time with it than most. I get that, but I want you to give it a try. Think of it as an experiment. I promise I will be very wonderful at adoring you, Annie. It’s an area where I think I got a great deal of talent. You’re worth the adoration Annie, you’re worth it, and the fact that you don’t believe it has nothing to do with whether it’s true or not. It is true for me, and that is all that matters.
Hollywood’s greatest gift to ambitious career women is the idea that you can find true love and have the spacious corner office. I realized this Friday night, when two girlfriends came over after work with pajamas and a hard drive filled with feel-good romantic comedies. A year ago, you wouldn’t have caught me dead watching a rom com; I’ve often dismissed the genre as purveyors of unrealistic expectations and false hope. Lately, however, I seem to have morphed into the kind of woman who can only enjoy films that end with a kiss between two lovelorn protagonists. (I have also since become the kind of woman that does yoga, is pseudo-vegetarian, and works 60-hour weeks. It’s funny how much people change!)
“You are going to love this one,” Maia insisted as the opening credits of Something New started rolling. Soon enough, we began squealing and swooning the only way girls do when romance with a dreamy male lead is unfolding on the screen.
Something New tries to tackle racial issues that inevitably come up in intercultural relationships, but I was too busy getting distracted by Simon Baker’s sun-kissed good looks to pay attention to how it resolved racial politics. The real value of this movie was that it reminded me of the kind of guy that I want and deserve: Definitively masculine. Free-spirited yet financially stable. Gets his hands dirty to create something beautiful. Adorable dog. But more than this checklist of attributes, what really got to me and my girls was the way he persistently pursued the aloof lady lead, and how present and aware he was about her thoughts, needs, and feelings. And that shit stayed with me all night.
Brian: I want to be there for you, Kenya, I really do. And we can talk. We can talk about whatever you like. I may not always relate, but I can promise I’ll empathize. Can you trust that?
When you’re single in your late twenties, you become painfully aware of the fact that the dating pool is filled with emotionally unavailable fish. In general, most of the fish just want to go with the flow and fuck the lady fishermen. Once in a while you’ll catch a nice one that will stick around and play house with you for a little while. Then one day he swims off because it occurs to him that you’re a real person with needs and feelings, and he should probably do something about that having spent X amount of time with you, but I’m only a fish and how dare you expect so much out of me??
It’s not the grand gestures or cheesy declarations of love that makes the rom com male win the hearts of female audiences. Despite how ridiculously women in rom coms might behave, real life women don’t actually want that much. They want great conversation over a delicious meal. They want a hug, a kiss, their hand held in yours. They want a nap, a movie, a good morning text.
Rom com males are easy to fall in love with because they have courageous souls. Because they are willing to be vulnerable and fall in love without fear. Because they go out of their way to chase their object of their affection and show that she is worthy of being loved. Because they understand that the chase is worth it.
I look back at last year’s dating experiences and remember how I thought I was so modern and empowered for always making the first move. But I never gave anyone the chance to win me over. I gravitated towards emotionally unavailable guys because love seemed like a thing I had to earn by trying to prove to him, over and over again, that I am fucking awesome. Every time I watch a romantic comedy, I am reminded that love unfolds without proof.
I’m going end this with my favorite scene from Happy Thank You More Please because it is the perfect example of how everyone should be loved. To quote the movie’s final line: “Sadness begone! Let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy. Because we are worthy.”
Sam #2: It’s not easy to be adored – you in particular – you have a tougher time with it than most. I get that, but I want you to give it a try. Think of it as an experiment. I promise I will be very wonderful at adoring you, Annie. It’s an area where I think I got a great deal of talent. You’re worth the adoration Annie, you’re worth it, and the fact that you don’t believe it has nothing to do with whether it’s true or not. It is true for me, and that is all that matters.
El Nido is world-famous for its tropical islands and picturesque lagoons, but what’s there to do when you’re there in the midst of a tropical storm? That’s what me and my friends were trying to figure out when we hopped on rented motorbikes to explore the mainland. We had a blast discovering the area’s waterfalls, hot springs, and hidden beaches on our own. And when the weather grew mild enough to let us visit El Nido’s famous islands, there were no words to describe how happy I was to have visited one of the most beautiful places in the Philippines with my two favorite people in the world.
Brian: I want to be there for you, Kenya, I really do. And we can talk. We can talk about whatever you like. I may not always relate, but I can promise I’ll empathize. Can you trust that?